The Top 6 Relationship Mistakes Egyptians Make
I’m feeling conflicted about this post. On the one hand, I am super excited about ranting about everything that bugs me about relationships in Egypt. On the other hand, I’m dreading the expected negative feedback and possible curse words.
What can I say? We are a fragile people, apparently. We can kill each other over loaves of bread and parking spaces, and we just get too fucking sensitive when someone criticizes us.
It’s dirty work, but somebody’s gotta do it.
As a general rule, I personally disapprove of around 98% of the relationships in Egypt and how they are manoeuvred.
Why? Because I’m a judgmental bitch, yes. But also because you’re doing it wrong. Here are six reasons why.
#1 Losing your own identity
It’s a tale as old as time; boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl spend all their time together and forget about their friends, hobbies and literally anything that defines them as individual human beings.
Basically, you both merge into one creepy, homogeneous blob.
I understand that being in love is exciting and wonderful, but when you throw your entire life away for another person, what happens to your own individuality? You just become identified as that person’s partner and nothing more.
Or what if the person leaves you? Then what are you left with?
Of course, you’re reading this and thinking that this sounds absolutely nothing like you. You might be right, but you most probably aren’t.
I’m not saying this as some kind of relationship guru, but it is such an easy, tempting trap that we all fall into eventually, whether consciously or subconsciously.
It happens gradually and just sneaks up on you; your person becomes your comfort zone, and suddenly making plans with friends seems like time better spent staring into that person’s eyes.
What I would humbly recommend (based on personal experience) is to just maintain some self awareness. Make it a habit to schedule stuff that’s just for you; not only will you feel more in touch with yourself, but it will give your partner time to miss you.
Speaking of missing you, let’s move on to number two on the list.
#2 Not giving each other space
Seriously, you do not need to spend every single waking moment together.
I’ve seen couples that talk on the phone in the morning, then at work, then they see each other after work, then they talk on the phone before they go to sleep.
That. Sounds. Suffocating.
Yes, yes, to each his own and all that. You might be the kind of person who enjoys this type of continuous communication, but I honestly don’t think it’s healthy.
You need time to miss each other. You need time to actually go through experiences that you can talk to them about later. But if they’ve already heard your fucking voice five times today, then the next time you go out you’ll have nothing new to say.
“How was your day, darling?”
“You already know. I updated you at 10 am, 1 pm, 4 pm and 7 pm. Since we last spoke I literally did nothing but fart in the car.”
This word of advice goes hand in hand with #1. The gist here is this: you are not joined at the hip. The person you’re seeing is an add-on to your life, they are not your entire life -despite what your Valentine’s day card said.
Remember, they are not the sun.
Also, while we’re on the subject, don’t celebrate Valentine’s day. I have no good reason for telling you this, but just don’t.
#3 Involving everyone in the relationship
This issue is more common with girls, but I’ve actually seen guys do it before.
Don’t make it a habit to tell people every little thing about your relationship. If you fight, don’t go around explaining the whole thing to everyone around you, ESPECIALLY your family (or theirs…yikes!).
The logic behind this is quite simple; it’s YOUR relationship, so it’s just between the two of you. Involving more people is just fuel for possible gossip, miscommunication and more fights than you can handle.
If you tell a friend, they might blab to another friend or even to your partner directly. And if you think the story will reach your partner the same way you told it, you’re in for a big surprise.
If you tell a family member, like maybe your mom, she will get involved and probably make things worse for both of you. Even if she’s an absolute angel that will fix the whole thing for you, then that would just mean that you can’t handle your issues yourself.
This is actually why you see so many wonderful couples break up right after making it official; their families storm in and shit all over the whole thing.
Of course, I’m not recommending that you drive yourself insane keeping your relationship a secret; there are a select number of people you can trust and confide in. Just make sure you trust those people enough that they will not try to intrude or repeat what you said to anyone else.
#4 Rushing into marriage
I understand that your parents probably nag you about getting married all the time. I understand that females and most males are basically stuck in their childhood home until they get married. I understand that you’re all horny and want to see what having sex would be like. I understand that you feel like you’re getting old and your biological clock is ticking.
But none of the above is a remotely good reason to rush into marriage if you’re not ready.
Dating for a year and thinking you know a person enough to live under the same roof with them is a big misconception. Another misconception is thinking that marriage will solve all the problems you have in your relationship. And the biggest misconception of all is thinking that marriage is super easy and fun.
No, darling, marriage is not about wearing his shirt in the morning and making him pancakes. Marriage is not about wearing a white dress and clown makeup so you can dance to a John Legend song and post a cover photo of it on Facebook.
Marriage is about being responsible for a home together, handling money, possibly raising children and going through utter shit together when the going gets tough.
Before making the decision to commit to one another, you need to be absolutely sure that you’re compatible and that you will still love each other even when you’re stressed, depressed or even when you have uncontrollable diarrhea.
There is absolutely no rush. Please don’t rush.
#5 Playing games
The best relationships have one thing is common: being straightforward. People often underestimate how important good communication is. If you don’t like something your partner is doing, speak the fuck up. They aren’t mind readers.
But if your idea of communication is throwing hints, being passive aggressive and playing mind games, then you’ll end up with a big poker game instead of a relationship. Drop the pretence and just speak your mind.
The only time the dropping hints and mind games approach works is when you’re with an absolute asshole. And if you’ve picked an asshole, then maybe you need to take a step back and re-examine your life choices.
On the other hand, mature adults can handle a straightforward, honest discussion. They will understand it, and they will respect it. Those are the kind of people you should consider committing to.
#6 Putting a breakup on the table
I hate it when a couple breaks up half a million times and then gets back together. Grow the fuck up. You aren’t Ross and Rachel. If you do this and are above the age of 18 then you are a fucking idiot that should not be allowed to reproduce.
If you are actually serious about someone, or if you actually give a shit about the person you’re with, then you cannot just put a breakup on the table whenever shit happens.
When shit happens, you handle it. But if every fight leads to a breakup -even if it’s just for a couple of hours or days- you’re basically adding a toxic element to the relationship. Now, neither of you will ever feel secure about the relationship, and with good reason. Learn to distinguish between fights and breakups.
Breakups are meant to be final, so don’t ever suggest breaking up unless you actually mean it and are ready to follow through with it.
Bonus Tip: The biggest breakup mistake people make:
This post is about relationships, but I really wanted to add this little piece of advice because frankly it pisses me off when people make this mistake.
Assuming you were with someone and it didn’t work out, you need to make sure your breakup is clean and final. Once you do that, you need to understand that it is never, ever healthy to talk to an ex again.
If it’s been a long time since the breakup (I’m guessing a year or more) and you want to be friends, you can try -though I wouldn’t really recommend that either.
But during that year, do not talk to each other. Do not call them up just to say hello and do not stalk their facebook profile. Just cut off all contact so both of you can move on peacefully.
If they try reaching out to you, 9 out of 10 times it will be a trap. They might claim to just be asking about how you’re doing, but when you respond, you’re encouraging them to keep the conversation going. Just keep your response short and to-the-point and know when to cut the cord.
Otherwise, you might find yourself back in a situation you had previously removed yourself from, and you’ll have to go through the damn breakup all over again.
I know this might sound harsh, but continuing to communicate will not only stop you from moving on, but will also sabotage your future relationships if it gets out of hand.
Enjoy your life. If you’re single, enjoy the freedom. If you’re with someone, have fun and don’t sweat the small stuff. If you just went through a breakup, smash their car and eat some ice cream.