Just Another Facebook Rant – Part Three
Aaaaand we’re back!
Unlike our last two rants, this rant won’t focus on just one occurrence, but rather a compilation of annoying things that happen on Facebook. You could even consider this a continuation of that one time I pissed a ton of people off by pointing out their annoying Facebook habits.
So, without further ado, let’s begin listing some annoying shit.
1. The new emojii likes
Recently, Facebook creators decided to come up with the genius idea of allowing people to categorize their “likes” on posts. So, for example, if someone posts a cute bunny video, your like can be shown in the form of a heart. Because bunnies are a physical manifestation of what love is.
There are other options, like a sad emojii, an angry one, a surprised one and an annoyingly happy one.
It’s totally okay for you to use them, except in one exceptionally annoying case.
When someone posts a status announcing that someone died, please, please, PLEASE do not express your sadness in the form of an emojii. Not only do I consider it rude (because it’s a fucking cartoon at the end of the day), but it’s also a whole new level of impersonal.
If someone announces my death and someone else responds with an emojii, kill that person. Seriously. Show this blog post to the police when you do and they won’t hold anything against you -dead person’s wish and all.
If you don’t kill them, I will have to haunt them myself. And I really don’t want to spend time haunting people; I’m hoping there will be more entertaining activities to do -like maybe unlimited Frasier episodes and spicy buffalo wings.
2. Job offering/hunting posts
I highly believe in the effectiveness of finding and offering jobs on Facebook. My issue isn’t with the concept itself, but my problem lies in the unbelievable stupidity of certain people in reaction to these posts.
Scenario #1: The Vacancy Post
A few weeks ago, I wanted to help someone out, so I posted their vacancy online. I specifically requested that people send their CV’s to the company’s email. Now, let me be very clear: the email address had the company name in it. For example, let’s say it was firstname.lastname@example.org.
In this scenario, you would assume the vacancy is at a company called the Mona Facebook Ranting Company, yes?
Because it just makes sense. Why would I post an email address belonging to another company?
So, how stupid would a fucking idiot have to be to then proceed to message me and ask me what the name of the fucking company is?
Yes, fucking mind-numbingly stupid. Now that’s one candidate you shouldn’t even bother interviewing.
Scenario #2: The Job Seeking Post
Now let’s turn the tables for a second and try it the other way around.
When I posted that I was seeking a job as a freelance writer or editor, I got messages from people stupidly thinking that I was offering the job rather than seeking it. I got comments and messages from several people (because all you need is one stupid person attracting the rest of the herd), all of them volunteering their writing and editing services.
Fuck. My. Life.
I had to explain to the dumb fucks that they needed to read posts properly before commenting, and that if they can’t understand a short, simple Facebook post, they probably shouldn’t claim to be good editors.
Dear reader, you’ve been warned; if you’re about to post any job-related Facebook post, you should be prepared to encounter the creme de la creme of idiots. Brace yourself.
3. Facebook sponsored ads
Guys, Facebook has become super creepy. I’m not even kidding.
Every time I search for something online, a few hours later I find an ad advertising that exact thing on my Facebook timeline. I understand how this works, but I started freaking out that ads started appearing over things I discussed on Facebook messenger and What’s App. I try my best to take security and privacy precautions, but the fact is this: we are being monitored 24/7.
And at this point I honestly don’t give a shit, but it’s just getting annoying. If I see one more post advertising Grey’s Anatomy sweatshirts and Jurassic Park necklaces (no, I am not making this up), I might seriously go live in a cave.
*Finds cave t-shirt advertisement after publishing post*
And in case you don’t believe me about those weird ass necklaces…
4. The Compulsive Liker
Let’s face it, some of our Facebook friends just have way too much time on their hands. I don’t care how much time you spend online, but for some reason Facebook thinks I do.
I have friends who seemingly like every single post they encounter. The result? My timeline is bombarded with shit I don’t care about. And when I ask Facebook why this is happening to my poor timeline, their lame ass explanation is that you spent all night liking them all instead of going to bed at a decent hour.
So if your friend just broke up with someone, prepare to see them like a shit ton of motivational quotes about moving on. If your friend is a crazy cat lady, prepare to see a shit ton of awesome cats -yes, I am a compulsive liker when it comes to cats. And that’s why all my friends unfollowed me, and that’s why I’m unfollowing their motivational quote bullshit.
Basically, the moral of the story is that Facebook shows you the ugly side of humanity -all their obsessions and weird hobbies and likes.
5. Egyptians in general
I don’t mean to generalize, but 90% of the men in this country have major psychological issues. Don’t even get me started on their lame attempts at overcompensation for their own lack of masculinity.
This is the most straightforward example I could find; check this post out. One guy posted about this awesome initiative his wife took part in, where some Egyptian women wore dresses in an attempt to bring back some of the freedom they used to have in the good old days before we started getting sexually harassed at every corner.
The comments are absolutely infuriating. People just started attacking, most of whom are
men fucktards who believe women should be covered in blankets and hidden at home. These are the exact same people who make the porn industry so profitable, and the same ones that enjoy watching El Sobky’s movies. In fact, these are the same people who harass us in the streets.
I don’t mind that they disagree, but if you read the tone in the comments, you’ll notice that all they do is curse. They curse because they are ignorant, inarticulate assholes that don’t have an actual point to say. They didn’t even settle for just posting their own comments, they basically cursed at any comment supporting the guy. It’s why I didn’t bother showing my support; I knew I’d be bombarded by a series of curse words from a bunch of uneducated, ignorant pigs.
But this is my blog, and here, in the safety of my own blog, I can give them a great big fuck you. I hope their undersized dicks get cut off in their sleep.
That felt so good to say.
So, what’s the point of this whole post?
If you care about your blood pressure at all, spend less time on Facebook. There are a lot of idiots out there.
Close your browser window, order a pizza, go hug a fluffy animal and let’s pray that all this madness will end soon.