30 Things That Piss Me Off (That Should Piss You Off Too)
There’s something fun about creating a blog; you tend to think that your views matter. This is why I’m writing this right now.
The truth is, I have a major case of writer’s block; a delightful combination of “I don’t know what to say”, “who cares anyway” and “it will probably piss people off too much”.
I’m a very impatient person, and I tend to be easily annoyed. And as a writer you’re supposed to write about what you know, right?
So I’ve decided to compile this list of pet peeves that I think should annoy you too, because I hate being annoyed alone. Misery loves company and all that.
1 – The Yao Ming meme:
It’s overused, abused and is a desperate attempt to make something seem funny when it’s not. The poor guy would probably commit suicide if he attempted to translate all the Arabic alsh posts his face is plastered on.
2 – The emoji that is laughing so hard that it’s crying:
NOTHING is ever that funny. Seriously. So when you use it more than once a year, I tend to believe that you must be psychologically disturbed. It’s really the only valid option.
3 – Gym selfies:
If you’re going to the gym, just go and work out like a normal person. If you want to show us your progress, one picture each month is more than enough. Not only are your excessive gym selfies a symbol of your vanity, but I really do not want to appear in the background looking like a miserable pile of sweat.
(Just kidding, I don’t go to the gym.)
4 – Motivational/thoughtful quotes on Facebook:
“It hurts when the person who makes you so happy can also make you so sad.”
“People who speak the least are the ones who are in the most pain.”
“I want to travel the world and experience life at the fullest.”
Or better yet, unfriend.
If you’re trying to be deep and thought-provoking, maybe read an actual book or just go and actually travel the world. But don’t post bullshit pseudo thoughtful posts from bed in your underwear.
5 – “This is Egypt” posts:
The country is in deep shit. I want tourists to come, I really do, but I don’t want to be personally responsible for bringing them here if they happen to get robbed/raped/killed.
6 – People who use the bathroom stall next to yours when the entire fucking bathroom is empty:
Fuck you and your lack of awareness on what personal space is.
7 – Outing selfies:
We don’t have to announce every single outing to the internet with a selfie. We really don’t. Our faces are not that interesting.
8 – That one friend who asks for advice and then does what he/she had in mind anyway:
Good luck with your super awful decision! I hope you trip and fall on a bag of bees.
9 – People obsessed with snapchat:
No, I don’t want a flower garden on my head. No, I don’t want to take a picture as a bumblebee. Yes, I will break your phone and then your face.
10 – Big trucks that drive side by side on the ring road slowly and end up slowing down the entire road:
I hope you fall headfirst in a big pile of horse shit.
11 – People who cross the street extra slowly:
Due to your excessive stupidity, you will probably die very soon, so let me just take care of that now.
12 – Girls who flirt with guys they know are attached:
Karma is a bitch. I hope your future husband sleeps with his secretary.
13 – Motorcycle drivers:
Press on your horn one more time. One. More. Time.
14 – Pop songs based on one word or sentence that make way more money than music that is actually meaningful:
I’ve never actually seen you work, work, work, work, work, work.
15 – Justin Bieber:
16 – Donald Trump:
17 – Donald Trump’s wig:
I feel no need to explain any of these last three points.
18 – The ass kissers I see at work:
Yeah, you’ll probably get promoted faster than others due to your brown-nosing ways. But good luck looking into the mirror every morning.
19 – People who believe they are God’s gift to the world:
Nope. Quite the opposite.
20 – People who write statuses in Arabic full of spelling errors:
You either learn how to spell, or you use a different language. There is no third option here.
21 – Couples with excessive PDA:
Get a room.
22 – People who love voicing their opinions on the internet:
No one cares. Really. Start a blog instead, but just don’t bombard my timeline.
23 – Self-righteous assholes:
Please stop pretending like you’re perfect and condemning everyone else for every little mistake. It’s non of your business.
24 – Phone calls that last longer than 6 minutes:
The only way I’ll stay longer than 6 minutes on the phone is if it’s one of those old phones with the twirly wires and I’m sitting in bed talking to a female best friend about our crushes in 1999.
25 – People who litter:
26 – People who patronize you (aka byakhdook 3ala add 3a2lak):
Me: “I used to sing but then I started smoking so I can’t anymore.”
Person: “Noooo! In fact that can add a nice, sexy lower pitch!”
Me: “Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you once more.”
27 – When you open the door for someone and they don’t say thank you:
Legally I am allowed to pull you back and smash your head repeatedly against the door.
28 – People who brag about how fast they can drive:
You don’t get to complain when you get into an accident. You really do not.
29 – When one of your socks miraculously disappears:
90% of the time I’m wearing different colored socks for that particular reason.
30 – Just human beings in general:
I’ll let you in on a secret; when I was 16, I created a facebook group entitled “People suck, I’m moving to Mars.”
I meant it then, and I mean it now.