Egypt’s 5 Most Overrated Things
Egypt is a country that appreciates trends. While I hate to sound like a hipster who hates all things mainstream, I don’t believe in trends. I watch movies and listen to songs after they lose their hype. I listened to “somebody that I used to know” and watched “inception” years after they were popular.
Okay, I do sound like a hipster. Let me explain.
I like some trends, seriously. I love that we have a new burger trend in Egypt. I like Bassem Youssef and Salalem. I just don’t like how Egyptians can sometimes glorify things that just aren’t worth it.
Basically, some things just aren’t worth going into a state of complete and utter frenzy over.
That being said, let me take you through a list of some things that I think are extremely and insanely overrated in this country.
1.Red Velvet Cake:
You know what red velvet cake is? It’s regular cake with red food coloring. Ah walahi.
Now, I understand if you like cake. I love cake. But if you like cake, just say you like cake and don’t bug everyone with how you just cannot survive without your red velvet cupcake fix from Nola Cupcakes.
Grow up. It’s just regular, good ol’ fashioned cake. I swear.
And, yes, I understand that the cream cheese frosting is nice, but you’ll get the exact same taste if you eat a cinnamon roll.
I’m not saying red velvet tastes bad, even though I personally dislike it. I see the appeal of eating cake and cream cheese frosting. All I’m saying is that it is incredibly overrated and that people who get super excited over red velvet cupcakes need to chill the fuck out.
2. Cairo Festival City (CFC)
CFC is made to look like a state of the art heaven-on-earth in the media. But you know what CFC actually is? A very normal gated community with a very normal shopping mall.
I remember people freaking out over CFC when it opened and how everyone wanted to go and see what all the fuss was about. Nile FM was airing their commercials every two minutes.
CFC is just as normal as any other gated community. The fact that it’s new doesn’t make it special, I’m sorry. City Stars was once new, and so was Rehab city. The fact that CFC has a couple of new stores doesn’t really give it an edge in the market.
Of course you want to tell me that CFC has the first IKEA branch in Egypt. Of course you do. IKEA is amazing! How we long to bring in all the mass-produced brands of furniture to Egypt. Pretty soon all Egyptian homes will look the same.
Next step, Pottery Barn!
3. Mashrou’ Leila
Goodness, where do I even start?
Mashrou’ Leila would have been -in my opinion- an excellent band had their lead singer not been so keen on doing weird things with his voice.
He has a beautiful, powerful voice, but he insists on using it in the most douche-baggery ways possible. His dance moves don’t make it better. Making love to the air just isn’t as charming as it used to be.
Egyptians are crazy about Mashrou’ Leila. And I don’t understand what the fuss is all about. The lead singer even cussed at the crowd in their last concert. They, of course, loved it.
I’ve had two opportunities to see this band live. The first time, I decided to sell my ticket at the last minute because I felt like my money was better spent elsewhere. The second time, my ticket was a gift and I felt like it was a waste to actually drive all the way to see such an overrated band.
Call me crazy, but I don’t want to go see a band to have the lead singer cuss at me. The only person allowed to do so would be Freddie Mercury. Period.
4. The American University in Cairo (AUC)
AUC is said to be the best university in Egypt, and it is.
Let me finish.
But just because it’s the best university in a country full of crappy universities does not make it a good university. I went to AUC for four years, and I can tell you with complete certainty that its system is just as dirty as the lowest ranking universities ever. The difference is that you pay shitloads of money to access their dirtiness.
No matter how many good professors teach there, it doesn’t deny the fact that the university manages to turn its students into pretentious assholes who can’t survive in the real world.
In my four years at AUC, I’ve met hundreds of people. I realised that only about two or three of them are decent. You know why? Because they didn’t allow themselves to get sucked into the university’s culture.
I’m sorry, but you’re better off spending your money on a new car instead of enrolling a student in a place that will ultimately turn them into a spoiled, ungrateful asshole.
5. “Royals” by Lorde
I realise this song really doesn’t belong to this list. I’m comparing it to institutions and food and malls. It doesn’t make sense.
It just pisses me off.