The 4 Dumbest Egyptians You Will Ever Meet

Throughout your journey as an Egyptian, you will run into a lot of idiots nothing but idiots. But some idiots stand out more than others. Some will dazzle you. Some will make you want to pinch yourself to make sure that you aren’t dreaming. Today, I would like to examine some of those types of idiots and wonder why they do what they do.

1. People who brag about dangerous driving

“I took the ring road from Heliopolis to Maadi in 7 minutes!”

“Oh my God I took so many ghoraz! It was awesome!”

“I was gonna get into like five accidents but I got there on time. Go me!”



These people are actually proud that they are putting their lives and other people’s lives at risk. Even if they are suicidal or sadistic, who wants to die in a car accident? It sounds messy and painful.

The question that always comes up in my head when someone says this is whether they are blind. Are they completely blind? Do these people not see all the accidents every single day in this city? Do they not see the cars crushed underneath the humongous trucks?



I’m not trying to be a goody-two-shoes, honest. I drive fast, but only when I have to. As in when I’m late for work or for my curfew. And that is also wrong and horrible, but I work far away from home and it’s deducted from my pay-check if I’m late, and the road is always jammed, no matter how early I leave the house. And to top it all off, my mother watches my curfew like a hawk.

So I am also doing something wrong, but at least I admit it. The people who speed for the hell of it are just plain idiotic. If you drive like a maniac and you’re proud of it, then you can’t complain if a car accident leaves you paralyzed. Seriously.

People who also fall under this category are those who text and drive, and those who drink and drive.

2. People who write stuff on the walls

Walk around the city and you will see all kinds of crap written on the walls. Common phrases include:

“CC khayen”

“CC qatel”

“CC ra2eesi”

“Morsi ra2eesi”

“30/6” (and a bunch of other dates)

You get the idea.

I’m assuming that these people think that it is considered revolutionary to write on the walls. Maybe they wanted to draw graffiti but didn’t have the talent, so they chose to write random shit instead. And they were too lazy to write “Sisi” so they just decided that “CC” was a good replacement. They turned the man’s name into an email function.

Another theory I have is that these people have the belief that others who read what they write repeatedly will gradually become convinced with what’s written. So if I read “CC khayen” five thousand times, I will start believing that “CC” is indeed “khayen”. Because I don’t have a brain and stuff. I am just naturally influenced by repetition.

Or they may just be adults throwing tantrums and doing the literal equivalent of children who draw on the walls when they’re mad. Who can tell, really.



3. People who mindlessly share things on facebook

It doesn’t take a lot of smarts to understand which news stories are fake and which aren’t. For starters, if a story is so unbelievable that it talks about a giant squid found in California, then you might as well do some quick research before sharing it on facebook.

If a google search sounds like too much work, a quick glance at the newspaper’s title may be another indicator. If the newspaper is called The Onion, The Lightly Braised Turnip or any other equally ridiculous vegetable-related name, then it is most probably a satirical newspaper.



The story about the giant squid flooded my news feed a few weeks ago and people were getting super panicked. Well, idiots, if it scared the living day lights out of you, why didn’t you bother researching it? If the story were true, you probably would have been squid lunch right about now.

I don’t know about you, but if I read something about a giant fucking squid, I would want to PROTECT MYSELF from the giant fucking squid.

Don’t even get me started on the political rumors that flood our news feeds (and newspapers, sadly) every day. Some Egyptians are just too lazy to do simple google searches. If these same people existed in the past, then you can bet your ass that no Egyptian publication ever provided correct information. Imagine how much more effort was needed back then; encyclopedias and shit.

4. Sexual harassers

I don’t understand the concept of sexual harassment. I really don’t.



If men sexually harass women in hopes of a good time, I’m wondering if they know about prostitutes..or porn. These are waaay easier options.

If men sexually harass women because they think this will result in a relationship, I’m wondering if they would really trust a significant other who was that easy to get.

What baffles me about sexual harassers is their lack of logic. For example, while I was driving today, a guy started throwing around cat-calls whilst looking at me suggestively. So far, it was a normal day for me. Then I looked at him and found him with his arm intertwined with another guy’s arm. They looked like a fucking couple.

Was I supposed to be impressed? Was he proposing a threesome of some sort? I’m not entirely sure.



So there you have it; the four dumbest types of Egyptians. Don’t get me wrong; there are way more than four. They just can’t all fit into one post. You’d become a grandparent by the time you’re done reading.

That’s what I love about Egyptians. They provide me with non-stop material. Thank you, Egyptians. Club Cairo thanks you.