7 concepts that (some) Egyptians need to learn

My blog was a relatively quiet place a week ago. Then one night, I decided to write a new post, oblivious to the fact that said post would turn my blog into a battle field.

Don’t get me wrong, I love it. I’m enjoying my 15 minutes of tiny internet fame. Thank you for all the views by the way πŸ˜‰

However, the repercussions of the post showed me a lot of new things. Actually, I may have known these things; I just hadn’t realized that the situation was this sad.

Image: aimemente.tumblr.com

Image: aimemente.tumblr.com

This is not applicable to all Egyptians, of course, but it is applicable to a majority. A disastrous majority. I am going to refer to this majority directly as “Egyptians” throughout this post (and throughout the entire blog, actually), simply because I do not want to waste space and time writing “some” or “most”. That was for the more detail-oriented readers.

But before I begin I’d like to thank all the beautiful people who offered insightful and sweet comments; you gave me the energy to handle some very annoying people. I really appreciated your feedback and you made me smile. This post is definitely not aimed at you.

Anyway, I am now seizing the opportunity to tackle the realizations from the previous post head first. Let’s go!

1. The concept of bias

Here’s the thing with Egyptians: if you make fun of another country or another culture, they think it’s hilarious. They laugh and find you witty and awesome. You then make fun of them (and yourself in the process), and they turn into defensive little bitches.

You have to learn to be objective; it’s okay to make fun of yourselves. This self-rightesnouss issue you guys have going on needs to stop. Like, yesterday.

2. The concept of a sense of humor

If you laugh at others but not at yourself, then you cannot claim to have a sense of humor. I know people refer to Egyptians as people who have a sense of humor, but I have to disagree now. If you see a blog-post written by an Egyptian girl and the post is clearly sarcastic and meant as a joke and you cannot handle it, then you have a problem.

3. The concept of manners

Okay, so you don’t have a sense of humor and you saw a blog post you didn’t like. You have two options:

a) Comment with some polite criticism to open a discussion where you and the blog owner can try to understand each other or at least argue intellectually and logically.

b) Throw in some curse words you learned while smoking up at the koshk next to your house in high school.

Don’t get me wrong, I got a lot of polite comments from people who disagreed with me, and that’s fine. I can handle criticism and I can comprehend that people have different views and perspectives. In fact, I applaud different opinions because it means you have a functioning brain. But when I find posts that have nothing to offer except for obscenities and insults, I have zero respect for you and just click on the spam command.

The only thing those comments added to my life was the tiresome task of clicking “spam”. As we Egyptians say, “Ψ§Ω„Ψ΄ΨͺΩŠΩ…Ψ© Ω…Ψ¨ΨͺΩ„Ψ²Ω‚Ψ΄” (insults do not stick).

4. The concept that some men boys do not have male genitals

The fact that boys are the ones that cussed at me also showed me that manliness is not a common factor among all Egyptian males. Some have nothing better to do than hide behind their keyboards and throw insults at people. If you were a real man, you would voice your opinions like one; politely and respectfully.

Honestly, you should be lucky you didn’t say these comments to my face; I would have punched you in your private parts.

Oh wait, I forgot; you don’t have any. My bad.

5. The concept of publicity

To those of you who insulted me, you may not have realized it, but you did me a major favor by getting all worked up about my post. You made my blog more popular and I got loads of attention. So if you really wanted to hurt me, you didn’t have to insult me or show my post to your friends, you could have just ignored me.

Actually, I wasn’t going to feel hurt per se, but I’m trying to throw you a bone here.

How I felt after I saw the 17,000 views. Image: tickledbylife.com

How I felt after I saw the number of views.
Image: tickledbylife.com

6. The concept of priorities

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that a post about annoying internet habits was going to be the post that caused all this buzz. I would have imagined that to happen to a political or religious post. These aren’t really my priorities anyway, but come on..internet habits? You got worked up over INTERNET HABITS?

How sad are you? Who hurt you?

7. The concept of aggression

One cute little girl claimed that my replies were defensive and aggressive, and it made me laugh out loud. My replies are filled with nothing but respect. I told people that I accepted their different opinions and that we would simply have to agree to disagree.

I would never get aggressive in my replies. I wouldn’t want to make anyone cry. I’m nice like that, ask my friends.