Dear Egyptian Girls,

1. Please purchase clothing in your own size; bulges and layouts of your undergarments do not bring about the desired effect.

2. Please stop mixing weird colors together. Mixing yellow and purple is not creative; it’s gross.

3. Please stop blindly following fashion trends that don’t flatter your body type. If you have large thighs, odds are leggings won’t look good on you.

4. Please do not hold my hand for no reason. It’s awkward -and who knows what else you’ve touched?

5. Please stop being hypocritical. I know you hate me, so calling me silly names (such as Monzi, Gameela or Kouka) and posting hearts on my  facebook wall don’t really deceive me.

6. Also, stop making up nicknames for me if we aren’t close. It freaks me out.

7. Stop talking trash about everyone all the time. It just makes you look insecure.

8. When flirting, try being subtle for a change. Loud laughter and unnecessary touching are NOT subtle.

9. Stop pointing out every flaw you have, it also makes you look insecure (see no. 7). We are all created with different faces and bodies, so enjoy your individuality and shut the fuck up.

10. Wearing full make-up everyday to school/college/work/the supermarket makes you look unbelievably desperate.

11. Stop making the duck-face in pictures.

12. Stop making the duck-face all-together.

13. Chew gum with your mouth closed, please. You are not a cow.

14. For the love of God, PLEASE shave your upper lip. IT SHOWS.

15. If you complain about everything (your life, your parents, the weather, your brother, your lunch..Etc), then stop wondering why people avoid you.

16. Try not to cry unless you absolutely can’t help it. Did you know that a woman’s tears actually reduce a man’s sexual desire? There, now you have a nice, superficial reason to stop crying over every single thing in your life.

17. Stop stalking people.

18. Stop coloring your hair, it just ends up looking like vomit, I swear.

19. Cussing every chance you get does not make you look cool, it makes you look like a whore. Only cuss when absolutely necessary, like when a female driver almost gets you into an accident.

20. Stop being childish and taking everything personally. If you try asking me if one of these points were inspired by you, I will slap you. If you can’t handle it, don’t read it.